copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy
Chute Malfunction
I fell like a wingless bird into a sea of sublime white.
Come into our embrace, the cottony pillows called to me. We will catch you. Come dance on our hills and valleys. They reached out to caress me, as gentle as a mother.
False saviors, every one. I plunged straight through and the green plains of my death spread out below me.
No fear.
Strange. The novelty of a soon and inexorable end washed it away.
Suddenly, my body was jerked upwards. I looked up at my expanding orange salvation, as gauzy and ethereal as the perfidious clouds beyond.
July 24th, 2013 at 9:39 pm
Dear David,
Phew! Glad his chute opened! Well done from tension to relief.
shalom,
Rochelle
July 24th, 2013 at 10:03 pm
My wife was a bit worried when she read it too. 🙂
July 24th, 2013 at 9:54 pm
Greatly built little story!
July 24th, 2013 at 10:32 pm
Excellent. Constant tension, frequent surprises, beautiful word choices.
July 24th, 2013 at 10:47 pm
I Positively LOVE the imagery you weave with these words. SO amazing! I was actually scared….for a second 🙂
July 24th, 2013 at 10:49 pm
now that was a close call !
July 24th, 2013 at 11:13 pm
Close call hey? The sense of inevitability nicely conveyed and then salvation.
July 25th, 2013 at 12:55 am
Esoteric thoughts form a writer of things quirky.
I enjoyed this.
July 25th, 2013 at 1:33 am
Love it!
July 25th, 2013 at 1:45 am
Excellent writing in this piece. I’ll never go skydiving but I very much enjoyed this person’s experience – especially the conclusion.
July 25th, 2013 at 2:13 am
I sweated through his whole descent, fearful he would not live. But, thankful he did and was saved by the parachute. Great story, David. Loved it.
July 25th, 2013 at 5:11 am
So THAT’s what its like.
July 25th, 2013 at 5:38 am
A very tight story, David, and a little misdirection with the title, you devil. Lovely descriptions, too.
janet
July 25th, 2013 at 6:58 am
You captured the experience very well. I know; I’ve lived that. Second jump of my life the emergency chute “fail-safe” altimeter malfunctioned and down we went until my instructor got it untangled from the drone.
I look forward to more of your work.
~Chris
July 25th, 2013 at 11:04 am
Oh.. now that was intriguing. In my eyes, i took it all as a metaphor.
July 25th, 2013 at 10:02 pm
Hmm, that would be interesting. I could be an interesting metaphor too.
July 25th, 2013 at 11:44 am
Beautiful flash fiction!
July 25th, 2013 at 6:15 pm
for a while there, death almost seemed beautiful… well done with the descriptions and whew! glad the chute opened up 🙂
July 25th, 2013 at 10:00 pm
That’s what I was going for, just the tranquil inevitability, followed by the last minute salvation. I really didn’t want him to die. 🙂
July 25th, 2013 at 6:59 pm
You can never trust those clouds. I’m thankful that the parachute opened at the end — whew!
July 25th, 2013 at 9:23 pm
Wow! Excellent sense of drama communicated in a small space. I was holding my breath!
July 25th, 2013 at 10:02 pm
🙂 Glad you liked it.
July 26th, 2013 at 3:09 am
great ending Dave
glad he could enjoy the view for a bit longer
July 26th, 2013 at 3:43 am
David, well done! I love the description of the clouds as caressing and as gentle as a mother. Great story.
July 26th, 2013 at 8:19 am
Flirting with death seems to be part of the thrill of sky diving for him. I think the misdirection of the title is a reflection of what is never far from his thoughts, a dare devil in love with the thrill of danger. In his mind he’s edging close to it every time. Good one, David.
July 26th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
My whole life flashed before my eyes. Thank you for opening the chute.
July 26th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
what a fabulous scene! you took all of us with you.
July 26th, 2013 at 7:02 pm
Beautiful choice of words throughout. I especially like false saviors followed by true salvation.
July 26th, 2013 at 9:17 pm
Hear, hear!
July 26th, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Great descriptions! An enjoyable read – glad the parachute opened for him!
July 26th, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Perfidious – great word.
July 27th, 2013 at 6:15 am
I think this one is stunning. Wow!