This week, 100 words seemed like a lot for one story, so I wrote 4, each about 25 words. Well, kind of… 🙂
copyright Randy Mazie
The Dog, the Clubhouse, and the Cookies
Ralph:
Herb and I got a clubhouse: no girls allowed. Except my beautiful Nellie. She’s tough too—she killed the dog that almost bit me.
Nellie:
I killed the dog to stop Ralph crying. What a baby. I only went to his “clubhouse” to meet Herb. He’s cute.
Herb:
Ralph is a traitor, bringing that girl to our special place! They’re not getting any of the cookies Mr. Horowitz made for us.
Mr. Horowitz:
Those damned kids killed Rex, my only friend in the world! The poison in the cookies isn’t enough to kill them, just teach them a lesson.
The Green-Walled Tower 
December 4th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
Dear David,
Oh dear. This doesn’t look like it’s going to have a happy ending. I like the way you broke this story into four parts. Very clever. I think you can call this one story, though….multiple point of view. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
December 4th, 2013 at 6:55 pm
Yes, it’s definitely one story: I was just kidding. :)I got this idea from Doug’s comment on my story a few weeks ago when he complimented me on my piece or pieces, as he said (since it was about someone getting cut up.) So I decided to cut this one up too.
December 4th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
Awesome!
December 4th, 2013 at 7:24 pm
🙂 Thanks.
December 4th, 2013 at 8:11 pm
I like the way that all characters get to tell their story – very clever – and the poisoned cookies… wow!
December 4th, 2013 at 8:17 pm
I wanted to show the web of conflicting actions and motivations. And what a mean old man, eh? Of course, he would say mean kids.
December 4th, 2013 at 10:30 pm
AnElephant thinks this is excellent.
And he thinks Mr H is cool, you can’t go around killing folk’s dogs!
December 5th, 2013 at 9:41 pm
That’s for sure. Nellie is not a very nice person either.
December 4th, 2013 at 10:47 pm
Absolutely fantastic.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Wow, thank you so much. 🙂
December 4th, 2013 at 11:03 pm
I love the structure of this story! Humor, angst, hidden motivations and mistaken perceptions–just like real life. Excellent writing!
December 4th, 2013 at 11:07 pm
Thank you. 🙂
December 4th, 2013 at 11:23 pm
Oh,the many sides of one story with all POVs converging :-)Loved this to pieces:-)
December 5th, 2013 at 9:42 pm
🙂 Thank you. I thought I’d try something a bit different.
December 6th, 2013 at 4:52 am
:-)It was great!
December 4th, 2013 at 11:31 pm
[…] David Stewart is typically brilliant, this week especially so. Don’t stop for coffee, don’t stop thinking about tomorrow, don’t stop for a rest, go read The Dog, The Clubhouse, and The Cookies […]
December 4th, 2013 at 11:32 pm
David, this is (there has to be another word for genius — not that you’re not brilliant, but genius is a word reserved for… well, never mind) brilliant. Abso-fracking-lutely brilliant.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:43 pm
Your compliments overwhelm me. Thank you, and thank you for the shout-out on your post. I really appreciate it. 🙂
December 4th, 2013 at 11:37 pm
Loved the circular pattern of relationships. This is really well thought out. Great read!
December 5th, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Thanks. I’m happy with how it turned out.
December 4th, 2013 at 11:54 pm
Great interspacing of story and character, David. I hope Mr H is right, because I’m sensing Herb’s going to eat the whole batch.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:44 pm
I was trying to hint at that, that he knew it wouldn’t kill them if they only ate a third of them, and that Herb is in trouble since he’s going to eat all of them, but I didn’t have room and it seemed better to just imply it.
December 5th, 2013 at 12:36 am
Oh, very well done, David! Your approach was completely effective. Perspective is maybe not everything, but it can be quite a lot.
janet
December 5th, 2013 at 9:48 pm
I usually don’t do a multiple perspective piece like this, but it was a fun change of pace.
December 5th, 2013 at 1:21 am
wow, very well done. i loved hearing the different voices of each individual. 🙂
December 5th, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Thanks kz. It was a fun challenge to infuse unique voice in each perspective in just a few words.
December 5th, 2013 at 1:56 am
A terrific structure for telling a tale. Full marks for originality.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:47 pm
Thank you, Sandra. I like to try new things. Sometimes they work, sometimes not so much. I’m happy with this one though.
December 5th, 2013 at 2:07 am
Some demonic minds here. Nellie and Mr. Horowitz are scary characters.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Yeah, they’re not very nice people. Poor, innocent Ralph.
December 5th, 2013 at 3:19 am
Lol, clever piece. Great job 🙂
December 5th, 2013 at 9:46 pm
🙂 Thanks.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:02 am
A one-way membership 🙂
December 5th, 2013 at 9:46 pm
Yeah, no kidding. Not what Herb signed up for, I’m sure.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:47 am
I really appreciated the structure on this one. Each voice adding a further glimpse into reality. slowly revealing the full picture. The final voice driving the point home. Just like in Something to Talk about- he hit em where it hurts.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:46 pm
That’s just what I was going for, that gradual reveal of the situation through multiple perspectives. I’m glad it was effective.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:59 am
It is one story. It’s impressive how you managed to pull off a multi-perspective narrative within 100 words. Nicely done.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:51 pm
Thank you! I know it’s one story; I was just messing around in the introduction. 🙂
December 5th, 2013 at 11:09 am
Four sides to this coin I suppose. Nicely done!
December 5th, 2013 at 9:49 pm
That’s a good way to look at it. I was thinking of naming it something like a multi-faceted diamond or something, but nothing sounded right.
December 5th, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Great job! Loved how the pieces all fit together! Hope the teacher gets his though.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:50 pm
Yeah, there’ll probably be some blow back on him.
December 5th, 2013 at 8:39 pm
Ho ho! A great structure and great story/stories. Make a movie.
December 5th, 2013 at 9:50 pm
There you go. 🙂 We can start a new challenge where we have to make a movie out of our Friday Fictioneer pieces.
December 5th, 2013 at 10:29 pm
Interesting execution. Brilliant story!
December 6th, 2013 at 6:52 am
Mr. H. should have went with Elax. It’s been known to be highly effective on those who steal food from the refrigerator at work. I like the different POVs. The girls is a pretty tough cookie herself.
December 6th, 2013 at 5:14 pm
this is a scary story! a healthy dose of bowel runner would have done enough!
even though i absolutely hate kids who hurt animals for fun but poisoning… well …
December 6th, 2013 at 11:46 pm
Nice weaving of points of view!
December 7th, 2013 at 4:03 am
And the circle’s story is satisfyingly complete. Loved this.
December 7th, 2013 at 4:09 am
Very creative. really loved how you did that..circled back to be a complete story.. what doesn’t kill will strengthen..
December 7th, 2013 at 7:11 am
Oh dear, David. I hope they don’t die. Very creative take, uplifting even, it’s fairy tale tone. Excellent.
December 10th, 2013 at 7:44 am
excellent concept, the same event from four different angles. one of those things that i wish i had written. great job.
March 27th, 2019 at 11:15 am
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