I pulled back the shower curtain after my shower and saw a group of people in blue raincoats crowded in front of me, holding up cell phones and cameras. I was shocked for a moment, then nodded smugly, remembering my new LSD-laced shampoo: Acid Rain! I didn’t think the hallucinations would be so specific though. The ceiling wasn’t melting or anything.
“Can we ask you a few questions?” one of them asked.
“I can’t hear you,” I said, combing my hair. “You’re just a product of double lathering.”
“Actually,” one said, “we’re part of a focus group on the drug-related merchandise you’ve recently bought.”
“You’re not hallucinations?” I asked.
“You’re real people?”
“So, I should put a towel on?”
“Please!” they all said, in unison, like they’d been practicing.
“Now, you have questions?”
They all pulled out clipboards. “How’s the shampoo?”
I shrugged. “No dandruff. Pleasing smell. The morning is a magical time.”
“Have you been eating your Weedies?”
“Every morning!” I said brightly.
“And how is your new Honda Ecstasy?”
“Great gas mileage!” I said, “and I always get to work happy.”
“Excellent.” They all scribbled notes assiduously. “Now, we’d like your ideas for other things.”
“Well, maybe some sort of heroin bicycle?”
There was a shocked silence. “Heroin?” one said. “At OmniDrugCo, we’re trying to make the world a better place. We’re not monsters. Now take your free sample of meth and have a nice day!”