Disclaimer: this is fiction. This is not how I, David Stewart, met my wife.
That said, this is my 3rd anniversary of doing Friday Fictioneers stories every week, which means I have written 156 100-word stories thus far.
I was having trouble thinking of a good story for this one so I asked the students in my writing class. They told me to write “a funny, horror love story”. Thanks guys, eh?
I got my revenge though, by assigning them each to write a story for Friday Fictioneers. They have their own WordPress blogs as part of our curriculum, so they’re going to post them there. If you want to read them, the links are:
https://bobybangladesh.wordpress.com/2015/12/05/surprising-assets/
https://yuxianadventure.wordpress.com/
https://tmsamurai.wordpress.com/
The last two hadn’t posted their stories at the time I posted this. Keep in mind that they are still learning English and before these stories, they had each written one fiction piece in English.
Now, on to the story.
copyright Roger Bultot
Did I Ever Tell You How I Met My Wife?
I unearthed her while digging the foundation of a new office building. She lay there, dead but conscious, watching me.
It took me twenty minutes just to ask her name. I was so shy.
It was rough at first; all relationships are. I’m a vegetarian; she drinks the blood of the living. Well opposites attract, they say.
*
That was 6 years ago. We’ve both adjusted.
My phone buzzes. Honey, bring a ssssacrifice home for dinner. I hunger I thirst lol
“Hey Bill,” I say to my co-worker. “Wanna come home for supper? My wife will whip you up, something special.”
The Green-Walled Tower 
December 4th, 2015 at 10:16 pm
Story of my life…
December 4th, 2015 at 10:36 pm
It is horror, love, but….. funny?
Yes, it’s funny lol
You overwhelming!!
December 4th, 2015 at 11:01 pm
Thanks, Xian. Darkly funny is still funny. 🙂
December 4th, 2015 at 10:40 pm
How fun you got your students to participate (and I went and read them…)
December 4th, 2015 at 11:00 pm
They’re great students. We were doing fiction anyway, so it worked out well. We’ll see if they do it voluntarily next week.
December 4th, 2015 at 10:57 pm
I wonder how she’d do with burnt offerings…
December 4th, 2015 at 11:00 pm
Probably season them well and serve them as a side dish. 🙂
December 5th, 2015 at 1:44 am
I’d say you made the kids happy, David. Are you still teaching in Korea?
Speaking of Kids… a teacher in Canada (I think) did the same thing with his students for Trifecta (I think it was that group)… some excellent stories. I’m looking forward to reading ‘your’ kids.
December 6th, 2015 at 11:32 pm
I’ll have to find out their reactions to it tomorrow. I’m teaching in a university in Iowa right now, actually, but all my students are international.
December 5th, 2015 at 3:18 am
Horribly, lovely, funny. I enjoyed this despite the disturbing nature of the whole thing!
December 6th, 2015 at 11:30 pm
It is pretty disturbing, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. I like to mix it up and write various things.
December 5th, 2015 at 3:26 am
Dear David,
You never know what you might dig up, eh? This is most certainly a different spin on the vamp stories. I glad to know this isn’t really how you met Leah.
Good to see you here and it’s not even Tuesday morning. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
December 5th, 2015 at 8:21 am
Good thing you included the disclaimer that this wasn’t really your wife, or I might have been confused. 😉 Great job pulling off the horror-love-funny combo!
December 6th, 2015 at 11:29 pm
Thanks, Joy. Glad you liked it.
December 5th, 2015 at 9:41 am
Well you managed to get both the horror and love in your story. LOL. This was hilarious and well written.
December 6th, 2015 at 11:22 pm
Thanks. I’ll have to ask my students if they read it.
December 5th, 2015 at 11:42 am
Freaky funny! You really have to be careful who you are friends with…they can turn on you at any given meal time!
December 6th, 2015 at 11:21 pm
I guess the rule of thumb is: don’t be friends with the guy whose friends all mysteriously disappear. 🙂
December 5th, 2015 at 12:10 pm
Ah, comma placement is so very important!
December 6th, 2015 at 11:21 pm
It can be life or death sometimes.
December 6th, 2015 at 5:31 am
That sounds like a hellish dinner party. I’ll pass on any invitations you throw this way…
December 6th, 2015 at 11:19 pm
Yeah, I’m sure. 🙂
December 6th, 2015 at 9:52 pm
I bet his friendships are short-lived??? Or maybe not?
December 6th, 2015 at 11:17 pm
Yeah, I wonder how many co-workers he has left. 🙂
December 7th, 2015 at 12:36 am
absolutely hilarious!
December 15th, 2015 at 10:20 pm
hehe, glad you liked it. 🙂
December 7th, 2015 at 2:24 am
Good story, David. That’s really what you’d call and “older” woman. You’re a great teacher. Your students impressed me with their grasp of English. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne
December 15th, 2015 at 10:20 pm
Thanks Suzanne. I appreciate that.
December 7th, 2015 at 9:31 am
Note to self: Do NOT go to David’s house for dinner.
You did a great job bringing romance, horror, and humor all into a 100 word story. Well done, partner.
December 15th, 2015 at 10:19 pm
Thanks, Russell. So, what are you doing on the weekend? If you’re in Iowa, come over for dinner.
December 8th, 2015 at 5:58 am
Did I ever tell you how much i do not want to befriend you?
(good funny undead romantic nasty hungering story).
I won’t see you next week though.
Randy
December 15th, 2015 at 10:19 pm
I promise we’ll always go out to eat, not back at my place. 🙂