Tag Archives: Cyclops

Lasik for Cyclops

“Thanks for seeing me, Doctor. I appreciate it.”

“No problem. So it says here that you want to get corrective eye surgery, is that right, Mr. Summers?”

“Call me Scott. Yeah, I have wear this prescription eyewear and I wish there was a way so I didn’t have to all the time.”

“Alright, well just take it off and let’s take a look.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t take off the visor?”

“If I do, I’ll shoot a beam of energy that will cut your office in half.”

“I see . . .”

“That’s why I want the surgery. You don’t know what it’s like having to wear this all the time: on the subway, at the beach, during my Civil War reenactment battles. If I hear the word ‘anachronism’ one time, I swear I will rain down holy hellfire on the entire 10th Louisiana Infantry Regiment. I will—”

“Okay, okay, well let’s see what we can do. So anytime you take the visor off—”

“Energy beams shoot out of my eyes.”

“And this doesn’t completely destroy your eyes?”

“I guess not. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to help you, Scott, since you would probably melt any instruments I tried to use to examine you. However, I do know a doctor with a revolutionary technique that might be just what you’re looking for. You can’t take off your visor so what he’ll do is make a prosthetic head that fits over your real head, visor and all. You can look through the eyes of the prosthetic head and be totally normal. It’s got a zipper up the back so you can take it off whenever you want, but no one can see it because the head comes with long, Favio-like hair.”

“And this guy’s legit?”

“Sure! He graduated top of his class from Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.”

“Thanks, doc! I can’t wait to tell my girlfriend Jean. I’m going to be normal again!”

Just a little thought experiment into the lives of one of our favorite X-Men


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