Tag Archives: true story

Things Never to Tell Your Mother

Sometimes I’m surprised I survived to see adulthood. I think that about a lot of kids actually, especially after seeing Youtube fail compilations.

The following is a true story. There was a large river near our house when I was in high school. Parts of it went through a high gorge just below the big waterfall our town was named after. I would go down and climb on the rocks by the water and have a great time. One time, I decided to climb up the cliff face right under the bridge that went across the gorge. It was over sixty feet high and I didn’t have any ropes, but I was a good climber, and if there is anything teenagers have, it’s recklessness confidence.

The actual river, just down from where I climbed up.

I got about two thirds of the way up and ran into trouble. The rock became friable, breaking off in my hand. There were no solid handholds. I couldn’t go back down and directly below me were sharp rocks and the fast, swirling water of the river. Also, no one knew where I was. I started praying hard for God to get me out of there safely.

There were obviously guardian angels clocking some overtime, because I managed to get around the hard area and get up to the top. I’d like to say I learned something from the experience and maybe I did, but what I should have known was this was not something to tell my mother. This is the sort of thing that gives mothers (and later, wives) heart attacks.

So, later that evening: “Guess what, Mom? I almost died today.”

What a bad son.


Good Idea, Bad Idea: Milk

Hello friends of blog, greetings from upper chamber of the Green-Walled Tower, where I’ve been busy with Nano for the last few days. It’s been going well and I just passed 12,000 words. Hopefully I can keep that momentum going and keep the story flowing.

Now, as Monty Python said, for something completely different:
Did you ever watch Animaniacs? It was a Warner Brothers cartoon in the 90’s that had a segment called Good Idea, Bad Idea. If you’ve never seen it, or want to watch it again, here’s the complete compilation of all of them.

Here a Good Idea, Bad Idea from my own life.

Buying milk:                                                                    good idea

Putting milk in the trunk:                                          okay idea

Forgetting about milk:                                                bad idea

Leaving milk in trunk for several months:         very bad idea

Discovering milk when it finally eats through its plastic container and then eats through the metal of the trunk and drips on the ground: very very bad idea

Yes, that actually happened. Early in our marriage, my wife and I went grocery shopping at night. We got home and said, “Didn’t we buy milk? Oh well, I guess not.” Literally months later, I noticed something white dripping on the ground. I opened to trunk to find the milk jug mostly empty, a hole in the bottom of it, and a hole in the bottom of the trunk. I guess we hadn’t opened our trunk much, since I’m sure we would have noticed the smell. So there you have it: in case you were wondering, milk can eat through a trunk.

 

(By the way, if you’re anywhere applicable, Happy Bonfire Night/Guy Fawkes Night. Go burn something for me.)


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