This is my first foray into the world of the Friday Fictioneers, and I’m excited. Thank you Amy for inviting me. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Friday Fictioneers, it’s a flash-fiction group that writes 100-word stories every week, based around a photo prompt.
Click here to look at some more stories based on this picture.
by Rich Voza
The tension in the air was palpable. Donald looked down at his brother Brad, sitting on the skateboard and wearing a battered football helmet.
“Are you ready?” Donald asked. Brad nodded.
With a jolt, they were off, Donald propelling Brad in front of him. At Room 301, he let go and Brad took off, the skateboard vibrating wildly under him.
Senior citizens stood in their doorways, waving canes and cheering as he rocketed past. “Go, Brad, go!”
He started to slow. Room 312 . . . 313 . . . 314. Brad stopped and they cheered louder. “A new record!”
The Green-Walled Tower 
December 7th, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Dear David,
What a stunning slide into Friday Fictioneers! I love the visual. Very nice.
Welcome. Welcome. I look forward to reading you again.
Oh…also…if you can post your link on the links tool, the white tab with the blue froggy face. If you click that it will tell you what to do next.
If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask. Runtshell@aol.com. If you’ve already done this disregard.
Shalom,
Rochelle
December 7th, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Nevermind. 😉
December 7th, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Thank you so much~ I appreciate the welcome. I plan to do this every week. It seems like a great group, I can tell already. 🙂
December 7th, 2012 at 8:31 pm
cute one david! childhood is so much fun!
December 7th, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Yes, it seems that these two boys, Brad and Donald, are now my go-to characters for stories about child-like innocence.
December 7th, 2012 at 8:41 pm
I love it 🙂 What a great debut piece.
December 7th, 2012 at 8:45 pm
Thanks. I love the variety of stories that people come up with, all from one picture.
December 7th, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Dear David,
Welcome to the party, pal!
Loved you happy and rambunctious story set in the halls of the nursing home. We may grow old, but as your piece shows, rarely do we lose the child within. Wonderful interlude. Thank you. (And for dropping by mine to read and comment.)
Aloha,
Doug
December 7th, 2012 at 9:34 pm
Thank you for the welcome and comments. I look forward to reading and writing more in this weekly group. I tend to oscillate between very light and dark stories; something of a bi-polarity of spirit, I guess.
December 7th, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Welcome. Very cute.
Joe Simpson from Room 307 and Jeanette Smith from Room 323 tried beating the record in their wheelchairs later.
Joe had a heart attack and Jeannette peed all the way down the hallway.
The nurses blacklisted Donald and Brad but we heard they moved down the road the Sunny Aisles senior center
December 9th, 2012 at 11:50 am
They’re doing the nursing home circuit: alternately cheering up seniors and ruining their lives. Sounds like a novel to me.
December 7th, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Like it, welcome to the family 🙂
December 7th, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Thank you. Glad to finally be part of this. 🙂
December 7th, 2012 at 10:35 pm
David,
Welcome to the group. This was a fun story, well told. I hope these kids come see me when I am old and in a home.
Tom
December 7th, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Yeah me too, if I ever end up in a home. They can be dreary places without youthful energy to liven them up. Thanks for the welcome~
December 7th, 2012 at 10:57 pm
So, are Donald and Brad visitors to or residents of the nursing home? Either way, great story! (p.s. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers!)
December 7th, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Hmm, I didn’t explain that. It would make it interesting if they were residents, to be sure. They are little boys, presumably visiting their grandparent(s). I wrote about them in another story here: https://greenwalledtower.wordpress.com/2012/11/21/volcano-jumpers/
Thank you for the welcome!
December 7th, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Oh dear–I was hoping Brad was a resident. The image of a senior cruising down the hallway on a skateboard to the cheers of his fellow infirms was too funny. Having visited an elderly relative, however, the boys would have been a real treat for the hallmates. Good story.
December 7th, 2012 at 11:51 pm
That is a funny thought. Now I kind of wish I’d written it that way too. It’s a shame to feel regretful about your own work. 🙂
December 7th, 2012 at 11:58 pm
aww that’s nice. entertaining the older folks. those are good kids. well done. this line” “The tension in the air was palpable.” it seems too cliché. i think you can come up with your own way to say it.
December 8th, 2012 at 12:01 am
Good point. It’s a real art form to compress things into so few words. Thanks for the criticism.
December 8th, 2012 at 12:02 am
oh, i can do that all day, cut words and edit. i get obsessive about it. takes me about an hour or two to finish my 100 because of that. sometimes i will do that with other people’s work. so far, nobody has complained, but they wouldn’t be wrong if they didn’t like it.
December 8th, 2012 at 12:05 am
It really is a good exercise is brevity: making every word count and pull many times the weight it might in a longer story. I found myself reading too quickly with some people’s stories and totally missing the point of the story, just by skipping a few key words.
December 8th, 2012 at 12:09 am
yes, i have that happen to me because of how sharply i edit. when you only get 100, you want to make every one meaningful as possible. but then, if you miss one, it’s missing a lot.
December 8th, 2012 at 12:55 am
Yes this prompt looks like a skateboarder dream come true.
December 8th, 2012 at 1:20 am
David, welcome and excellent work. It definitely brought a smile to my face. I hadn’t thought of it being residents but it would work that way, too. I enjoyed the idea of the boys entertaining the seniors. I happen to like “palpable” because of the connotations it carries. Sometimes a well-used word or phrase is well-used just because it works so well. I took a look at synonyms for it and still prefer the original.
Looking forward to reading more from you in the weeks to come.
December 8th, 2012 at 8:57 am
Thank you for your comments. I was thinking of other ways, but most of the original ones took many more words. I guess with this type of writing, everything is a tightrope walk between expression and conciseness. Glad you liked it though. 🙂
December 8th, 2012 at 2:08 am
Welcome, David!! Great piece. How could you not want to skateboard down this hallway with those shiny floors. If I could ride a skateboard, that’s what I would want to do. Are you enjoying the group? It’s fun, huh? I enjoyed all your little details here. The vibrating skateboard, the waving canes, rocketed…nice!
December 8th, 2012 at 8:59 am
Thanks! The nursing home where my grandmother is has a central hub with the nurses station in the middle. That would make for a lot harder course to skateboard down. I could see hallway as a bowling alley too. Hmm…
December 8th, 2012 at 9:36 am
A bowling alley would be a fun one, too!
December 8th, 2012 at 2:31 am
Hi, you’ve got an award, congrats! http://nkin.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/blog-of-the-year-2012-award-wonderful/
December 8th, 2012 at 8:59 am
Thank you so much~
December 8th, 2012 at 2:37 am
Love the playful tone to this one. It would be easy to veer to the sinister with that photo, but I liked that you made it fun.
December 8th, 2012 at 3:20 am
Great story! I loved the playfulness of it. Senior citizens rock! 🙂
December 8th, 2012 at 3:31 am
Sounds like more fun than the average seniors’ home 8^). Nice one. Welcome to FF.
December 8th, 2012 at 9:00 am
Yeah. All the ones I’ve been in are more depressing than prison (although with slightly less change of being shanked).
December 8th, 2012 at 9:01 am
Thanks. Most of the ones I’ve been in are more depressing than a prison, and with comparable security too.
December 8th, 2012 at 3:46 am
Whee! A wheely good one for a first one. Glad your aboard (pun intended). Very cute. I can see us ‘seniors’ prodding him on, cheering, “Go Brad, go!”
December 8th, 2012 at 9:02 am
Thanks! Glad to be here.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:11 am
I would definitely skateboard down that corridor!
(but I’d fall off well before room 312) Nice story 🙂
December 8th, 2012 at 9:04 am
Yeah, me too. In my mind, they’ve done with many times before and get progressively better at it. Maybe it’s only one of a series of games. Next week, bowling, or shuffleboard. 🙂
December 8th, 2012 at 6:45 am
Wonderful, that’s a place to retire. Great start.
December 9th, 2012 at 11:34 am
Thank. When I look into a retirement home, I going to inquire about hallway-based entertainment.
December 8th, 2012 at 6:49 am
Welcome to the group, David! Wonderful piece. Made me smile. At first read I was thinking boys up until the end and then my though changed to residents. I see they are boys. Both ways are fun. To have excitement and activity in the halls of those homes is a good thing.
December 8th, 2012 at 9:03 am
As much as it might have been funny to have one be a senior, falling off and shattering a hip probably wouldn’t have been. 🙂 Thanks for the welcome. I look forward to next week’s challenge.
December 8th, 2012 at 7:44 am
Dear David,
Welcome to the group. I enjoyed your opening number. At first I thought they were crash-test dummies, or seniors mentally reverting to their childhood. It was a fun ride and I look forward to reading more from you.
December 8th, 2012 at 1:38 pm
I was cheering too!
December 8th, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Great short story David!
December 9th, 2012 at 3:07 am
Glad to have you on board David. Hope you have as much fun as we crazies have here. I like your cheerful story. Very few happy ones this week 🙂
December 9th, 2012 at 3:10 am
Creative and novel take on the photo. Ron
December 9th, 2012 at 11:49 am
Thank you. It’s a great challenge to look at a picture and try to imagine all the possible stories in it. As the group has shown, they are unlimited.
December 9th, 2012 at 9:48 am
What a fun story! Loved it 🙂 I could see the scene clearly.
December 9th, 2012 at 11:34 am
Thanks 🙂 I like to write a variety of things, but this type is always fun to write. My child-like side coming through, I guess.
December 10th, 2012 at 11:12 pm
I love it.
I expected a crash and a painful ending but ended up cheering with the rest!
🙂
December 11th, 2012 at 12:00 am
An excellent debut. Bravo. 🙂
December 14th, 2012 at 2:26 pm
A good light-hearted read. Made me smile 🙂