copyright Janet Webb
Canadianized Bees
“Mr. Prime Minister, I have disturbing reports from the Pickering Nuclear Plant. It’s bees, sir.”
“Dear God! You mean . . .”
“Yes, sir. Canadianized bees. They’re so huge they only drink maple sap, boring holes with their auger-like stingers.”
“Is there any good news?”
“They’re quite polite—they always ask before stinging someone. Almost no one says yes.”
“Should we warn the Americans?”
“The bees don’t really like heat. Some go to Florida for the winter, but most are heading north.”
* * *
Somewhere in Russia
“Sir, I’ve detected a mass of objects coming over the North Pole.”
“Is it the Americans?”
“Worse. Canadians.”
April 17th, 2013 at 7:05 pm
LOL. Good one.
April 17th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
There are some delightful touches to this already intriguing tale – enjoyed a lot!
April 18th, 2013 at 10:36 am
Thanks. 🙂
April 17th, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Dear Dave,
Would this be the Secret Life of Canadian bees? Love the concise dialogue and the story it tells. Fun take on the prompt.
Shalom,
Rochelle
April 18th, 2013 at 10:37 am
Hmm, possibly. There is room for all kinds of stuff. Their hives shaped like igloos…
April 17th, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Brilliant – laughed aloud at the last word!
April 18th, 2013 at 10:38 am
I could just hear the dramatic music at the end, something like the Jaws theme, but more buzzy. 🙂
April 17th, 2013 at 7:35 pm
lovely:) They are polite and ask before stinging anyone. lol.
April 17th, 2013 at 7:59 pm
Yep. As a Canadian, I feel I’m authorized to write this. 🙂
April 17th, 2013 at 8:13 pm
Wah wah !!
April 17th, 2013 at 8:20 pm
Oooh. You’ll soon be getting Canadian death threats worse than Salman Rushidie got except if you work in a restaurant you won’t get any tips and if you drive you’ll die waiting behind a Canadian driver’s car.
April 17th, 2013 at 8:49 pm
I’m a Canadian, so it’s okay. 🙂 I, for one, am proud of our crazy bees.
April 17th, 2013 at 9:25 pm
Oops. Please disregard any comments that I inadvertently might have ascribed to Canadians, i think I’m sure that I was mistaken as Canadians I know are great tippers and drive wonderfully and I’d hate to think that i might start a border clash or incident.
April 17th, 2013 at 9:33 pm
🙂 I see you have suddenly seen the light. Remember, we have the bees. They could take over Minnesota, at least.
April 18th, 2013 at 6:18 am
I’m from Florida
What’s a Minnesota? Did you mean to type mini soda? If that’s some American territory, then please feel free to take it. Do it just bee-cause.
April 22nd, 2013 at 4:59 pm
LOLLL!!
April 17th, 2013 at 10:09 pm
Ah the humor. I cannot believe no one offers to be stung with the augers! The russians fear the Canadians? I always knew it was true, otherwise they would have run through Alaska and invaded long ago.
April 17th, 2013 at 10:19 pm
That’s right. Nobody messes with the Mounties.
April 17th, 2013 at 10:21 pm
I can see Dudley Do Right facing down the massive Russian army with only his smile!
April 17th, 2013 at 11:33 pm
And his chin! 🙂
April 17th, 2013 at 11:37 pm
That is true, his chin is usually in the next time zone!
April 17th, 2013 at 11:41 pm
so that’s where those bees went that were supposed to do in the Californians. Too much sun tan oil so they went north
ha very creative for today
April 17th, 2013 at 11:56 pm
David, you forgot one sign that makes it easy to differentiate Canadian bees from any others. If you listen closely, the sound they make is “eh?” And they love hockey as I do.
I think that’s aboot it, eh?
janet
April 18th, 2013 at 9:00 am
Ah, you’re right! I was going to have them say “eh” too, but I totally forgot to put it in. Oh well, when I write my epic trilogy on them, I’ll put it in. 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 9:10 am
I know you meant to say you’d put it in, eh? 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 1:39 am
Wasn’t there a thing in a Michael Moore movie like this this, something about African or European bees coming to the US and causing problems. Nothing like the domestic bees anyhoo.
April 18th, 2013 at 8:53 am
Yeah, this is kind of a parody of Africanized bees.
April 18th, 2013 at 2:08 am
Hilarious!
April 18th, 2013 at 3:48 am
I like that they are polite though…. Very funny
April 18th, 2013 at 8:52 am
My wife insisted on that when I said I was making Canadian bees.
April 18th, 2013 at 6:12 am
Ah, middle-class, civilised insects – at last! Where’s my Pimms?
April 18th, 2013 at 6:50 am
Hilarious! Your story AND the comments 😀
April 18th, 2013 at 7:43 am
Love it. It only fits that Canadianized bees are polite. I’ll bet they’re good neighbors too, eh.
April 18th, 2013 at 8:46 am
This is great! What fun! 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 8:56 am
“Almost no one says yes.” 🙂 A story in itself, there.
April 18th, 2013 at 9:34 am
Ha Ha. You have to give it to the Canadians for being so polite (with a bit of British reserve in them traditionally?), and then the Russians for recognizing a real enemy. i bet the Canadian bees did not ask the Russians if they could sting them. LOL
April 18th, 2013 at 9:49 am
If they could even find anyone to sting in Siberia. 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 9:53 am
Oooohhhh…I might have to not like you now, knowing my ingrained Canadian politeness like that!!
J/K Amusing little tale…but I doubt those Russians would ever dread us coming to attack. They know we have older subs than they do!
April 18th, 2013 at 9:54 am
okay, that “knowing” should be “knocking” 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 10:35 am
Hey, don’t diss the Canadian military. We’re awesome! Actually, we are apparently famous as snipers.
I’m from Newfoundland so I was thinking about making these Newfoundland bees, but I didn’t think most people would get it. Where are you from, by the way?
April 18th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Some go to Florida for the winter… Oh, I can’t wait for the epic trilogy!
April 18th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
Enjoyed this one
April 18th, 2013 at 2:55 pm
Very well done Newfy. This had me grinning like a Cheshire cat – and I’m not even English 🙂
April 18th, 2013 at 3:48 pm
Lovely! I wish they did ask before they stung. Such an original take on the prompt.
April 18th, 2013 at 5:35 pm
Thanks for the laughs — this is a funny story! The polite line and the last line especially got me.
April 18th, 2013 at 5:42 pm
A funny, entertaining story. The line about politeness and the last line especially got me. Thanks for the laughs!
April 18th, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Loved it! Hysterical!
April 19th, 2013 at 12:42 am
We do indeed have the polite thing down and apparently it’s widespread. Fun story.
Denmother
April 19th, 2013 at 6:31 am
Polite bees. Go figure. hubby does some business there upon occasion and gets the third degree, but then we are from the states. So I guess honker bees don’t need a passport! Fun read.
April 19th, 2013 at 1:56 pm
excellent. yours is the first I have read as I am new to this challenge, now I am intimidated.
April 19th, 2013 at 4:28 pm
Don’t worry about it, it’s all for fun. 🙂 Welcome to the group! I’ll be sure to come read your story.
April 19th, 2013 at 4:59 pm
bad boy!
April 19th, 2013 at 6:37 pm
Complete madness 😀
April 20th, 2013 at 5:03 am
Funny one! Canadians bees just love the maple! I think bees are polite, too. “Almost no one says yes.” Ha ha…I laughed at that one.
April 21st, 2013 at 7:10 pm
I like all the weird scenarios that line implies, like who would say yes to being stung by a bee.
April 20th, 2013 at 9:18 am
Love it!
April 20th, 2013 at 1:42 pm
And the bees have access to great health care too so they’ll never die!
April 21st, 2013 at 7:12 pm
Good point. Actually, with all the bees dying worldwide, that would be a great thing.
April 21st, 2013 at 2:23 pm
Maple syrup swilling bees who ask permission to sting, eh? Did William Shanter say yes or no to the sting?
April 22nd, 2013 at 12:51 am
hehe fun story.. AND i had as much fun reading the comments ^^
April 22nd, 2013 at 3:35 pm
The comments are as good as the story sometimes, especially with our Fictioneers group. 🙂
April 22nd, 2013 at 2:39 am
That was so silly it made me giggle.
April 22nd, 2013 at 5:09 am
Where do you come up with this material! Very imaginative and funny too. Nice job David. 🙂
April 23rd, 2013 at 4:20 pm
I love this! You seem to have squeezed so much into so few lines. Great stuff. 🙂