Copyright Kent Bonham
Room 306
screams the screams room 306 fumbled with keys door opened blue walls all blue splashed with red thing at the window thing at the window green all green girl on the bed red so red thing jumped off didn’t fall didn’t hit the ground flew away mary mary on the bed so red not moving my special girl mary mr keller came called police i didn’t do it thing at the window all green did it not me but now I’m here white all white walls no red still at night I see room 306 special girl mary screams
screams
May 1st, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Stream of consciousnesses can be great fun to write – and has urgency read here that careful writing avoids. Really screams.
May 1st, 2013 at 9:50 pm
Thanks. I normally don’t do this kind of writing, but this seemed to call for it.
May 1st, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Grief! that is seriously scary David. The real voice of madness. I’m speechless. Well done.
May 1st, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Thank you, Sandra. I wrote it while rocking back and forth for inspiration. 🙂
May 1st, 2013 at 10:30 pm
Nice, I like this. Love when I read something with little detail and stories and possabilities jump to my mind. Thanks.
May 1st, 2013 at 10:31 pm
Thanks. Glad you liked it and found it inspiring.
May 1st, 2013 at 11:04 pm
Wow, this is unique and so interesting and urgent and scary and wow!
I have never tried anything like this, I am blown away by the impact of this style of writing. Amazing!
Very well done David! Stands out this one, for very good reasons!
May 1st, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Thank you for your kind comments. I have never tried one exactly like this before. Stream of consciousness writing is only effective in very specific circumstances, I think.
May 1st, 2013 at 11:21 pm
This was a perfect circumstance for it in that case 🙂
May 1st, 2013 at 11:42 pm
Brilliant! This really does bring that feeling…cold shudders down the spine and the feeling of somebody breathing behind my back before something terrible… or after…or pretty much while it’ s already happening…
May 2nd, 2013 at 1:15 am
Great surrealism. Loved it, really loved it!
May 2nd, 2013 at 2:45 am
I’m feeling disturbed, David. Thank you very much! I feel like I’m in a horror movie.
May 2nd, 2013 at 9:15 am
I’m always happy to disturb you, Amy. 🙂 Glad you liked it.
May 2nd, 2013 at 3:17 am
The ;perfect horror story is urgent, engaging, disturbing – congratulation, you’ve written it!
May 2nd, 2013 at 8:25 am
This way lies madness.
janet
May 2nd, 2013 at 10:14 am
Enjoyed this read, David.
Yup, admit and spend 20 years or become gallow fodder. Tell the truth – in the nut house for eternity.
May 5th, 2013 at 9:33 pm
It’s a pretty hard dilemma. I think this guy is really innocent, although definitely crazy.
May 2nd, 2013 at 2:57 pm
what’s up?
May 2nd, 2013 at 4:27 pm
Very real, David…
The mind behaves so instinctively in such moments. Your portrayal was indeed surreal…
May 5th, 2013 at 9:36 pm
Thank you. I’m not really crazy, I swear. 🙂
May 2nd, 2013 at 6:55 pm
Dear David,
This is truly terrifying. Someone’s disturbed and you’ve conveyed that well in a most unique way.
shalom,
Rochelle
May 3rd, 2013 at 10:16 pm
Thank you, Rochelle. It’s fun to write a little crazy sometimes. On an unrelated note, I just finished your e-book today. Great stories. 🙂
May 2nd, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Really well written — I felt like I was listening to a guy who’s been unhinged let everything pour out. This has rush, emotion, terror — and all those colors create a vivid image.
May 5th, 2013 at 9:38 pm
Thanks, I wanted the colors to be a touchstone for all the different experiences, including the final, white-walled one.
May 2nd, 2013 at 10:29 pm
Very well done, interesting angle.
May 3rd, 2013 at 1:01 am
Nightmarish. It reminded me of the ting on the wing in that Twilight Zone with William Shatner. I liked the way you did this in stream of consciousness.too. It’s adds to his madness.
May 5th, 2013 at 9:39 pm
Yeah, it’s kind of like that. I haven’t seen that episode, but it’s so famous that I’ve seen a lot of homages/parodies of it. It’s that sort of why-won’t-anyone-believe-me thing.
May 6th, 2013 at 12:23 am
Yes exactly. And it certainly makes for a good premise for a story! (That Twilight Zone episode might be on Netflix. It’s really good. William Shatner was very young in it, and he was a really good actor then, he’s a little on the hammy side for me now tho! 😀
May 3rd, 2013 at 8:58 pm
I applaud you David. That was wonderful, in a terrifying fashion.
May 3rd, 2013 at 9:07 pm
Thank you very much. So, do you think he actually did it?
May 3rd, 2013 at 9:09 pm
I felt as if he could have. I kinda liked the fact that it was up to the reader as to whether he did or not.
May 3rd, 2013 at 9:13 pm
I went into it assuming the narrator is innocent and that seeing a monster kill the girl he liked drove him insane. However, my view is the readers has the right to interpret things their own way.
May 3rd, 2013 at 9:14 pm
In my experience, most good writers share your view. And yes, that means that I’m saying you’re a good writer =)
May 3rd, 2013 at 10:04 pm
🙂
May 3rd, 2013 at 11:09 pm
Wow! Very experimental – brilliantly executed. The lack of punctuation means you can read it in different ways – all of them clearly the product of someone insane (your protagonist, not you!)
May 3rd, 2013 at 11:15 pm
Yeah, it kind of just tumbles across the page. I wrote it fairly quickly, although I’m not sure I could have slowed down if I’d wanted to. 🙂
May 3rd, 2013 at 11:46 pm
David, this makes me think of Rainman. Every emotion shines through!
May 4th, 2013 at 3:07 am
I’m picturing this unfortunate person in an asylum, rocking back and worth in a padded room 🙂
May 4th, 2013 at 3:07 am
that should read “forth”
May 4th, 2013 at 9:48 am
Yeah, probably saying this same thing over and over again.
May 4th, 2013 at 3:44 am
If ever the police would write exactly what’s said it would probably look like this… doesn’t matter if you’re guilty or not. I think this is very very real.. Love it David.
Björn
May 4th, 2013 at 8:50 pm
One of my top ten favourites for this clutch of flash fiction stories. The stream of consciousness is consistent and still the story is told. I liked it a lot.
May 4th, 2013 at 11:31 pm
I love the way this is written. A perfect way to tell the story. Excellent work, David.
May 5th, 2013 at 3:16 am
Wow. Very effective use of stream of consciousness. I like the use of the colors which helped us keep our bearings in the man’s babble. Good job.
May 5th, 2013 at 11:20 am
It took me a minute to get my mind aligned with your narrator’s – but once I fell into his rhythm, this became a very powerful story. It’s not completely clear what the colors mean to him, but it doesn’t really matter – it’s enough to see that they are significant.
I wonder what did happen to poor Mary – is it possible the narrator actually is innocent? I doubt it 😦
May 5th, 2013 at 8:34 pm
I’ll leave his innocence up to you, but in my mind, he actually is. The colors, for me, are just something he latches onto, something concrete to hold onto in all the madness.
May 5th, 2013 at 11:54 pm
wow this story really screams 🙂 it’s awesome. it’s creepy and horrible of course but i enjoyed reading it. and i love the mystery too, was he crazy or was there something… *shivers* brilliantly done 🙂
May 6th, 2013 at 9:00 am
Thank you, glad you liked it. I like leaving the final judgment to the reader. So, what do you think happened. 🙂
May 6th, 2013 at 9:09 am
wow thoughts are a blur emotions black no red no yellow fear and amazement and shock entwine grammar i cling to a learning writer but something new amazes i scream i dream i sit here wordless
May 6th, 2013 at 11:06 am
Dark and twisted, love the insight into the insanity. It’s definitely something I would love to read you play around with some more.
May 6th, 2013 at 5:02 pm
I think it would be exhausting to read too much of this. in James Joyce’s Ulysses the last chapter has a 28,000-word sentence, pretty much like this (well, not as crazy, but just as rambling). Still, it would be interested to play around with some more. We’ll see.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:21 am
Wow, so much story in these one hundred words. Very well done. Emotions swirling…
May 7th, 2013 at 4:28 am
The lack of punctuation gives this so much punch and leaves me breathless and thinking.