For this piece, I want to give a shout out to Eric Alagan, since he always says I have unique point of views in my stories.
Interviewer (David Stewart): Thanks for talking with me. For the record, your real name is 666 Ghoul Dr, is that right?
Haunted House: Actually, there was some redistricting last year. Now I’m 8712 Ghoul Parkway.
DS: Fair enough. The reason I wanted to talk to you is that you have been accused, frankly, of being evil. How do you respond to that?
HH: It’s just terrible, David. For one thing, “haunted” has such a stigma to it. People say I have ghosts and for some reason, that’s cause to shun me. How about getting me some help, right?
DS: Do you have ghosts?
HH: Well . . . yes, I suppose.
DS: Why did you hesitate? And why is your wallpaper turning red now? Is this some sort of REDROOM thing?
HH: No, I’m blushing, and thank you very much for calling attention to it. Actually, ghosts are just how I . . . pass gas. Ethereal gas. It’s a problem older houses have from time to time. We don’t like to make a big deal of it.
DS: What about the rumors that your walls bleed sometimes?
HH: Oh, now I’m in trouble for having blood in me? You have blood in you and no one calls you haunted. Look, it’s just for fun, okay? Like a party trick. I just do it to cheer the owners up if they look like they’re having a bad day. It puts the life back into them. They start running around, screaming, calling people. It’s good stuff.
DS: And the portal to an unknown dimension that’s in your basement?
HH: Oh that. A previous owner had that installed to shorten his commute. He had a weird job. Frankly, considering how rare it is, I’d think it’d be a selling point. Kind of like a hot tub with fifth-dimensional bubbles.
DS: I see. So basically, you consider yourself a fairly ordinary house, just misunderstood.
HH: Well, I’m definitely not ordinary. I like to think I’m just waiting for that special owner. So for anyone looking, I’m on the market. And my price has been slashed repeatedly!
(I couldn’t resist the quote from my favorite TV show)
May 1st, 2014 at 11:31 pm
LOL Now, that is a house that does not want to be misunderstood. If I were a ghost and on the hunt or haunt for a home I would definitely consider that one. 🙂
May 1st, 2014 at 11:35 pm
yes, it just wants a friend. 🙂
May 2nd, 2014 at 5:48 am
I love this David…love that he’s blushing and passing gas. Very clever…
May 3rd, 2014 at 9:44 pm
Thanks, Susannah. It’s a very human sort of house, I guess.
May 2nd, 2014 at 7:39 am
Very funny, David! I think this is the first time I’ve seen a haunted house interviewed.
May 3rd, 2014 at 9:41 pm
Yes, they’re usually pretty reserved and don’t give many interviews. 😉
May 3rd, 2014 at 3:56 pm
i will ditto to Amy 🙂
May 3rd, 2014 at 8:02 pm
Reblogged this on athingirldotcom.
May 3rd, 2014 at 8:06 pm
I wanted to pen a little spiel, but good old wordpress, combined with my cyber limitations, wouldn’t let me…wanted to say how teachers, such as yourself, make the best writers…all my favorite author once taught or still do.
May 3rd, 2014 at 8:13 pm
Thanks Susannah, and thanks for re-blogging this. I appreciate it. 🙂 You’re right that many writers are teachers as well, although I hadn’t really thought of it much before.
Speaking of professions, you seem to be an anomaly from the stereotypical model: a writer and an avid reader, but of course, it’s hard to generalize with people. Based on your experience, how wrong or right is the Hollywood portrayal of model?
May 4th, 2014 at 2:05 am
I didn’t start really reading till I was 30…and though I wrote my whole life, it didn’t become a priority till about ten years ago. I was never the typical model simply because partying was not a love of mine…I liked staying home with the cat watching I Love Lucy reruns. I was a writer all along, even if I didn’t know it…and teachers are infectious when they write…their passion brays from the page, yours included there Elvis 🙂
May 3rd, 2014 at 9:04 pm
hahahaha I love your sense of humour :)LOved allof it specially the house blushing part 🙂
May 3rd, 2014 at 9:32 pm
Thanks. 🙂 As someone who blushes easily, I like to share the pain, even with haunted houses.