I woke up late, of course. I swear that nothing short of Ragnorak could get me up on time. I have seven alarms, all set in sequence, with increasing volumes. It wakes up the deaf guy three houses down, but not me.
The clock said 7:45 when my brain finally decided to allow my eyelids to open. The sickeningly familiar jolt of adrenaline got me out of bed and into the shower before I even realized I was awake. Ten minutes later, I was out the door, briefcase in one hand, bagel in the other, sprinting for the bus stop.
I couldn’t miss the bus. If I missed the bus, I’d be late for work again, and if I was late again, I’d get fired and if I got fired . . . a dark web of consequences fractalled out in front of me. Can’t miss the bus.
I was 100 meters away when I saw it. “No!” I screamed in impotent rage, like a weaponless berserker. It passed me, not slowing. I threw the bagel at it. No effect. I threw my briefcase, which bounced off the fender. No effect.
An open patch of wet concrete was in my way and I tripped and landed headfirst in it. As I floundered through it, I saw the bus about to disappear around the corner. “Stop, you filthy—” I screamed, adding an arcane racial epithet for Belgians which was both uncharacteristic for me and totally unexpected.
The bus stopped. The driver stepped out. I could tell by the look in his eyes that his ancestors were Belgian.
I made it to work by 8:57, filthy and bruised, but not late.
The door was locked. It was Saturday.
October 6th, 2014 at 1:35 am
HAHAHAHA That is fantastic That made me literally laugh out loud
October 6th, 2014 at 8:30 pm
It’s not exactly my typical day, but I do have some trouble getting up with my alarm, as my wife will attest. 🙂
October 7th, 2014 at 2:21 am
Yeah, I have five alarms and sometimes that doesn’t work
October 6th, 2014 at 4:28 am
October 6th, 2014 at 8:31 pm
Yeah, really. Luckily that’s not my typical day. Well, in any case, it means he can go back home again. 🙂
October 6th, 2014 at 12:11 pm
Great fun with lots of action and humour! 😀
October 6th, 2014 at 8:35 pm
Thanks. I like to write that kind of zany, over the top style every now and then.
October 6th, 2014 at 4:11 pm
Oh David I love this..whether it’s true or not…the driver stopping…he was Belgian on a Saturday…again, I’m in awe of your brevity still packed with imagery and color. A gift you have.
October 6th, 2014 at 8:42 pm
Thank you, my friend. I’m looking for an agent for one of my novels now, so hopefully something will happen with that within the next year.
October 7th, 2014 at 10:39 am
You certainly caught me out with that finish. Well done.
October 7th, 2014 at 9:08 pm
Thanks. 🙂 Nothing like a little crushing disappointment at the end.
October 7th, 2014 at 10:35 pm
This is hilarious. I felt like you were telling my story! I literally have to set eight alarms. And, I always seem to get myself into difficult or clumsy situations, which inevitably results in being late:) But most of all, I love the part where you say “I could tell by the look in his eyes that his ancestors were Belgian.”
October 7th, 2014 at 10:50 pm
Thanks. 🙂 It’s fun to take absurdity to new heights (or depths). My wife swears this story is 100% accurate for me, although I did get up before her this morning, so she may be biased.
October 7th, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Hahaha it’s the best when you can prove them wrong and wake up first.
October 8th, 2014 at 10:28 am
Ha! This is funny and well written. I like your style
October 8th, 2014 at 5:22 pm
Thanks! I appreciate it.
October 9th, 2014 at 9:27 am
That was brilliantly done David! Thanks for the laughs 😀
October 9th, 2014 at 10:20 am
🙂 Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it. My day was unfortunately a little like that today: I did run out the door with a bagel in one hand and my laptop case in the other. But I walked to work and it was Thursday. 🙂
October 9th, 2014 at 10:21 am
And I hope you didn’t bump into anyone of Belgian ancestry along the way.
October 9th, 2014 at 10:45 am
Well, I didn’t swear at them, so I guess I’ll never know. 🙂
October 10th, 2014 at 6:43 am
Okay…that made me laugh; such a hapless fella.
October 10th, 2014 at 11:48 am
Yes, indeed. I take my own experience and more it at least 80% more incompetent. 🙂
October 10th, 2014 at 11:13 am
Haha..poor guy..he does need to sleep more I think 😉
October 10th, 2014 at 11:50 am
Yeah, if he’s like me, he needs to get to bed earlier.
October 10th, 2014 at 10:13 pm
So funny. People get so upset over the simplest things and it doesn’t do them any good. Loved this! Fantastic!
October 10th, 2014 at 11:08 pm
Thank you! 🙂