Category Archives: Friday Fictioneers

March 3, 2016

No One Sued Me Over Miss Sulfur

I found out this week that our university’s literary journal is going to publish my story, Braiding Mythology. Now I’m apprehensively waiting to see what my colleagues will think of me after they read it. I dedicated that story to my wife, and I am dedicating this one to her too.

(If you’re wondering how this picture led to this story, look closely at the green battery.)

There is nothing new under the sun.

I once created a group of scientific superheroes. I called them the “Miss Elementals”, one for each element on the periodic table.

First Marvel sued me because Miss Iron was too close to Ironman.

Then the creator of Sailor Moon sued me because of Miss Mercury.

Miss Krypton led to a lawsuit with DC Comics.

I finally abandoned the project when Goldman Sachs sued me over Miss Gold.

It’s okay though. I have this new idea about superheroes based on the planets of the solar system. That’s never been done before, has it?

16 Comments | tags: DC Comics, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, funny, Goldman Sachs, Ironman, Krypton, periodic table of the elements, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Moon | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

February 27, 2016

Marketing 101

By David Stewart

“What’s this car run on?”

“It runs on love,” I said.

The investor stared at me. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I was sweating. “You think about someone you love; it powers the car.”

“I’m out,” he said. “I don’t want to break down because of an attack of road rage.”

Actually, the car ran on belief. If you believed it worked, it did. But belief was too nebulous. You had to concentrate on something. I picked love.

The next year, I saw an ad for the Chevy ‘Murica. It ran on American greatness. They sold millions.

I should have gone with that.

23 Comments | tags: alternative energy, American greatness, Chevy, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, love, Murica, quirky | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

February 17, 2016

Killing Oliver Twist

By David Stewart

I cannot forget the first man I killed. That instant is trapped in my memory, as if in jagged-edged crystal.

I was eighteen and manning a machine gun. He emerged from the morning mist, searching the ground for something.

I fired.

Life over.

I killed countless soldiers later, but I only remember him. He was British, so I named him Oliver Twist.

I kept wondering what he was looking for.

After the war, I went to London. I stopped a woman and said, in halting English, “I am sorry for Oliver Twist.”

She stared at me, but I felt absolved.

27 Comments | tags: fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, killing, machine gun, Oliver Twist, soldier, war, World War I | posted in Friday Fictioneers

February 11, 2016

Daffodil Steaks

By David Stewart

Frankie’s makes the best daffodil steaks. I go down there Sundays and get a 16-ouncer.

“That’s murder, you know,” a guy nearby said as I finished my meal, wiping canary-colored juice from my lips.

“Hey, I’m eating here.”

“They have feelings. All flowers do. I hear them cry at night, mourning their lost brothers.”

Wordlessly I got up and paid by retinal scan, winking to add a tip.

As I drove home past fields of towering daffodils, I rolled down my window. Maybe it was the wind, but I thought I heard weeping.

I rolled the window quickly back up.

43 Comments | tags: daffodil, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, genetic engineering, science-fiction, steak, weird | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

February 3, 2016

The Marsh Garden Thief

By David Stewart

Pat stepped outside and saw a figure yanking up handfuls of rushes from the marsh garden.

“Those’re mine, you know.”

The figure whirled. “I’m hungry, okay?”

“How about some real food?”

“Sure.”

“I’m Pat.”

“Shannon.”

They walked to the house. The supper smells greeted them at the door like a spouse’s kiss.

They ate in silence, Shannon wolfing down the food.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Pat asked.

“No.”

“You can stay here.”

“You got an extra bed?”

“I’ll take the floor.”

Shannon’s face was night sky of distrust, but still a tiny star of hope shone through.

34 Comments | tags: fiction, Friday Fictioneers, garden, hospitality, marsh, marsh garden, thief | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

January 21, 2016

Ex Nihilo

By David Stewart

Ex Nihilo

I idly hit a key and light explodes in the void. With a chord, whole galaxies form, their spiral arms blazing. I sit and pound out a vast unfurling creation, major geography meeting minor civilizations as the strains of death and rebirth crescendo.

I falter and the worlds fade. People are standing around dumbstruck, and I wonder if they have seen, really seen, what I have.

My mother hurries up. “I’m sorry,” she says, to the onlookers. “He wandered away.”

I hold her hand and we leave the store, the worlds still lurking in that machine, waiting to be found.

25 Comments | tags: child, creation, ex nihilo, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, Piano, prodigy | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

January 13, 2016

The Gate

By David Stewart

The Gate

“Passports.”

Gripping my young son’s hand, I hand the border guard the envelope, the colorful bills inside arranged like a rainbow of freedom. He peeks inside, then regards me for what seems like years. I start to sweat.

“Wait here.”

He leaves, with the precious envelope. That rainbow represents years of soul-numbing toil. I stare at the gate in front of us. I have dreamed about it so often.

Finally, he returns. “How many are with you?”

“Four.”

Slowly, he opens the envelope and removes half the money. He hands it back to me and winks.

And we are free.

36 Comments | tags: board crossing, bribe, fiction, flash fiction, freedom, Friday Fictioneers | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

January 6, 2016

Fit for a King

By David Stewart

Fit for a King

The approaching rumble made the fine crystal tinkle. The party guests looked towards the window, wondering what new extravagance would appear.

“And finally, your Majesty, a gift from the sultan of Brunei,” the master of ceremonies said as a sleek white nose came into view, “a Bombardier Global 8000! He wishes you an excellent birthday, and many more to come.”

The guests all looked to see the king’s reaction. The small figure on the throne was not looking out the window. He was playing with a box that had recently held a $50,000 diamond-studded teddy bear. “Vroom! Vroom!” he said.

21 Comments | tags: birthday party, Bombardier Global 8000, child, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, irony, private jet | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

January 1, 2016

That First Cup of Optimism

By David Stewart

Happy New Year everyone! This is my first story of 2016 and so I wanted to make it an upbeat one to set a tone for the year. I wish you the best possible 2016.

This picture is one that was first used about 3 years ago and was my 4th ever Friday Fictioneers story. You can read it here if you want.

Jared took his first sip of coffee in 2016. It was instant, but such was life. Even unemployed and confined to the house, he still felt good about the coming year.

He should open his own cafe. It would have to be in his house, and the bank would never give him a loan, of course. Still, Big Dan owed him a favor, after the . . . unpleasantness.

He went for the mail and his ankle bracelet beeped in warning. He looked back at the house and pictured his cafe in his mind, its neon sign welcoming in customers:

The House O’Rest.

27 Comments | tags: coffee, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, house arrest, optimistic, The House O'Rest | posted in Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

December 24, 2015

All I want for Christmas is a not guilty verdict

By David Stewart

Well, Merry Christmas everyone. It doesn’t look very Christmassy here at the moment, with the warm weather and green grass, but I guess I can’t complain.

This week’s Friday Fictioneers story is the first repeat that I participated in before, back in 2012; in fact, it was my 3rd story ever, which you can read here, if you want. I was tempted to use the same story, but I ended up writing a different one.