Next time, Google. Next time…
Tag Archives: Google
Do you remember a time before the Internet? Of course you don’t. Don’t lie. However, there was such a time when you had to look in an encyclopedia to find out something or just live with not knowing it. But then, there was also a time even further back when reference books were rare and many people would write into certain magazines with questions that would be answered in a regular column.
Now imagine this: you have things you want to Google. Pick just one question and write it down. Mail it to a magazine. Wait a month or two. Hope it gets picked out of the hundreds of others they receive and then gets published for the whole world to see (nothing NSFW). Things have hardly changed a bit!
The following are excerpts from a magazine called Current Events. All of these are from 1915, which for historical context means that World War I had just started but the US was still neutral. The questions may surprise you as much as the answers.
One of the things I love about Google is the suggestions it gives you when you start to type in the search bar. It gives a strange and sometimes disturbing look into what your fellow humans are searching for. So, I decided to start some questions and see what Google gave me. This isn’t an original idea, but what I did was type in “Is it true that…” and then each letter of the alphabet, one by one. I picked the best/most interesting/least racist question to answer.
A: Is it true that all triangles are isosceles?
→ No. No, it’s not true that all triangles have two angles the same. If this confuses you, click here and become much more confused.
B: Is it true that blondes have more fun?
→ I’m a brown-haired guy who has ridiculous amounts of fun (hiking, reading, role-playing). I don’t see how it’s possible for a blond version of me to have more fun, so I’m going to say no.
C: Is it true that celery is negative calories?
→ Yes, this is true. Celery has a lot of calories, but because of all the cellulose in it, we can’t digest it well. So, if you’re planning on starting an all-celery diet, make sure you slip in a bacon double cheeseburger ever few weeks, so you don’t waste away to nothing.
D: Is it true that Disneyland release cats at night?
→ This one intrigued me. From what I can see, there are tons of cats at Disneyland to keep the rodent population down. However, I doubt they are actually released and then collected every night, since cats tend to have a mind of their own. What’s more likely is that they just come out at night when it’s cooler and everyone else has gone home. A lot of places talk about them being feral, but since they are apparently groomed and fed, I don’t know what definition of “feral” they’re using.
E: Is it true that everyone can sing?
→ I guess it depends on your definition of “sing” but from experience, I’d say no.
F: Is it true that Facebook will shut down?
→ Ha! Yeah, poor guys just got tired of it all after a while. Considering they releasing a Facebook operating system for Android phones, I don’t think they’re going anywhere anytime soon.
G: Is it true that giraffes can’t make a sound?
H: Is it true that Hello Kitty is the devil?
I: Is it true that it’s the end of the world is 2012?
→ This endearingly terribly-worded question was number six on Google’s auto-complete list. I think we can all agree that this is no.
J: Is it true that jellyfish are immortal?
→ Since all the rest on the list were about Justin Bieber, I went with this one. There is one species of jellyfish called the immortal jellyfish (Turritopsis nutricula) that can go back to its infant form. So, it is theoretically possible for that type of jellyfish to live forever, although they usually get eaten or die of disease first. They should really call this the Benjamin Button fish.
K: Is it true that kissing burns calories?
→If it doesn’t burn calories, then you’re doing it wrong. On the other hand, if you are burning enough calories to make a difference, then you’re doing it really, really right.
L: Is it true that lobsters are immortal?
→ Really, another immortal animal question? Actually, apparently lobsters don’t die of old age (although Red Lobster is making sure that this doesn’t become an issue). They also don’t stop growing; the biggest lobster ever caught was 20kg. (Seriously, check out that link).
M: Is it true that Macbooks don’t get viruses?
→ No, that’s not true, although if you’re a Mac user, you’ve probably never gotten one. Incidentally, if you are a Mac user that has gotten a virus on your computer, let me know. I love anecdotes.
N: Is it true that Nicolas Cage is dead?
→ If the next Ghost Rider movie features an actual Nicholas Cage ghost, complete with flaming skull, then we’ll know for sure.
O: Is it true that opposites attract?
→ Magnetically, yes. For people…what do you think? I think this is a place where a happy medium is best. I wouldn’t want to live with my clone or my alter-ego from bizarro world.
P: Is it true that Psy is dead?
→ All the “P” suggestions were about people dying, so I chose this one. I’m pretty sure we can all agree the answer is no. Still, can you imagine the funeral? 21 horse dance salute.
Q: Is it true that Queen Elizabeth is dying?
→ I find a lot of these are about dying. I guess we have a morbid curiosity. Considering the sources that claim this, I would say it is dubious, at least not any more than any other 86-year-old woman.
R: Is it true that redheads are going extinct?
→ Yeah, not likely. And if they do, we can just clone them again, a la Jurassic park. (Ginger Park: admit it, you’d watch that movie.)
S: Is it true that smart people talk to themselves?
→ I’m going to answer this one without appealing to the Internet and here’s my train of logic. I talk to myself. I think I’m smart. Ergo, smart people talk to themselves.
T: Is it true that the camera adds ten pounds?
→ If you’re carrying a ten pound camera, then yes.
U: Is it true that unicorns were mentioned in the Bible?
→ First of all, I’ve never read a Bible that had unicorns in it, but then, I have never read the King James Version. It does say “unicorns” in that version, but in the New International it says “wild ox” so I think we can say it comes down to an over-enthusiastic translation. Somehow, I’m guessing the original Hebrew word didn’t mean “horse with a spear in its forehead.”
V: Is it true that vegetarians live longer?
→ I’m not sure about now, but I’m sure that back when people had to kill mammoths to eat, they probably did. I’d rather fight a truculent cabbage than a stabbing/stomping hairy death machine any day.
W: Is it true that what goes around comes around?
→ Seriously, there are a lot of people asking this question? In my experience, it often does, but not always. What do you think?
X: Is it true that Xbox live is going to be free?
→ Ehh…who cares. You can look it up here if you have any interest.
Y: Is it true that you are thinking of me?
→ Yes. I’m thinking of you right now. So…what are you doing? (Yes, yes, BESIDES reading this post)
Z: Is it true that Zayn Malik smokes?
→ Considering I didn’t know who this was an hour ago, I don’t particularly care. Apparently he does.
So, there you have it. 26 answers, semi-answers, or dodging the question straight from the Green-Walled Tower. If you have your own “Is it true that…?” question for me, now is your chance. I’ll promise to answer it, unless it’s about Xbox Live or Zayn Malik smoking.