Happy Mother’s Day everyone. This is my bizarre tribute to mothers everywhere. For those of you who don’t know, this is part of a weekly photo prompt, where the challenge is to write a 200-word story based on a picture. Skip down below the picture for the story.
For my regular readers, I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t been posting much lately. I have been working hard to finish a manuscript of a novel so that’s taken most of my time. I just finished today, so I should be posting more from now on.
The Best Mother’s Day Ever
“Happy Mother’s Day, honey. I got you something really special!”
“What is it?” Debbie asked, taking the box from her husband Robert’s hands and opening it.
“It’s a gun,” he said. “You shoot yourself with it.” Seeing her look of horror, he continued quickly. “No, no, it doesn’t hurt. You know how you never have enough time to do everything you need to? This gun helps you split up your body so you can do more things at once. Great, eh?”
“Uh huh, I see. How does it work?”
“You just point it at a body part and fire and it detaches. You can still use the body part and control it though. You shoot it again to reattach it. Imagine how efficient you can be now.”
“Sounds great,” she said brightly, and shot him.
Twenty minutes later, Debbie was sitting on the couch, eating an ice cream sundae and watching a movie. Robert’s left arm was cleaning out the gutters; his right arm and legs were out picking up the dry-cleaning; his head was watching the kids; and his torso was mowing the lawn, somehow.
She smiled. This was the best Mother’s Day ever.
The Green-Walled Tower 
May 11th, 2014 at 10:17 pm
Nice one David. I often have days like these – at least where my brain seems disconnected from me. My young lad was in hospital recently after an operation on his arm and needed some pretty heavy painkillers. While he was in a peak state of analgesia I asked him how his arm felt and he said ‘I haven’t got an arm – I’ve only got a head and a bum.’ Drugs were clearly pretty effective.
May 11th, 2014 at 10:23 pm
I know that feeling. I had knee surgery a few weeks ago where they only numbed my right leg. I could “feel” my leg in the position it was in before they numbed it, which was very awkward when I looked down at it in another position. Drugs do weird things to the body and mind.
May 12th, 2014 at 10:11 pm
OOOh that would really mess with you!
May 12th, 2014 at 10:19 pm
Now I can understand people who have had amputations and talk about feeling their phantom limb. It’s a weird sensation.
May 11th, 2014 at 10:23 pm
This is one of your best 🙂
May 11th, 2014 at 11:53 pm
Thank you so much. That makes me happy. 🙂
May 11th, 2014 at 10:48 pm
Ha Ha, brill. I so want that gun, my husband may not agree 😉
May 11th, 2014 at 11:06 pm
Yeah really. Unless you each had one and then it would turn into a war. 🙂
May 11th, 2014 at 11:40 pm
Poor Robert. If she had had enough of seeing too much of him before, at least now she had him in smaller doses and she could get all of him to do what all still had to be done. 🙂
May 11th, 2014 at 11:53 pm
I think he was asking for it, giving her a gift like that. 🙂
May 12th, 2014 at 4:50 am
Yes, he should have seen that coming. 🙂
May 12th, 2014 at 7:23 am
Ha! I want one! Good luck finishing your novel. That’s great news.
May 13th, 2014 at 9:36 am
I’ll give you the second one of these machines I find. 🙂 The novel is all done now. Now on to the next project. They are lined up around the block, I swear.
May 13th, 2014 at 11:10 am
Ooh…I’ll be on the look out for that machine! 🙂
Wow! Congrats, David!! Awesome. I think that’s a good thing that they’re lined up. Truly!
May 12th, 2014 at 3:20 pm
just loved it 🙂
May 13th, 2014 at 9:33 am
Thanks. 🙂
May 22nd, 2014 at 12:34 am
Lol…funny….I like that…:)
May 22nd, 2014 at 6:39 pm
Thanks. I think my mom knows by now that I won’t do a normal tribute for Mother’s Day. 🙂